Use Me
by Crackinois
Summary: When a case months in the making is shattered, there's only one way for Jane and Maura to exorcise the mutual anger and guilt.  Kink warning inside.


**Author's Note: **This is a fic by request. Throwing out a kink warning for anal, just FYI.

**Use Me**

Jab. Jab. Hook. Uppercut.

Jane gritted her teeth, meting out as much punishment on the punching bag as she could. Every curse word she could think of scrolled through her mind in endless permutations of obscenity. The only sound that echoed through the apartment was the thud of taped, clenched fists slamming into vinyl and the deafening din of her internal monologue.

Sweat was everywhere. Clad in only a sports bra and shorts she could feel the briny drops trickling down her chest and back. When her hair was saturated the salty tributaries streaked arbitrary paths down her face. With each punch drops shook free, splattering against the punching bag and collecting on the floor. The anger overwhelmed any sensation of exhaustion.

Punch after punch she let the jarring blows reverberate through her body, hoping the shock waves would erase the day. Jab. _Still there. Maybe the next one_. Hook. _Still there. Keep going. _ Haymaker…

Months. Months of putting the case together. Countless hours of overtime and sleepless nights. The past two weeks had been a whirlwind of court prep and chaperoning a critical witness that had only been secured through a most arduous courtship. Her life had barely belonged to her for the past weeks; it belonged to the case, and with no time for sleep there had certainly been no time for Maura. Their relationship had gone on the backburner, relegated to daily stolen minutes for a quickie coffee break in the relative solitude of the morgue office. Two weeks and the only instances their hands had been on each other were for sympathetic back rubs.

And it had all been for nothing. In the pink and orange-tipped haze of the breaking dawn, as Jane took her turn to nap in the surveillance van while Frost stayed alert on the protection detail, Cirie Carter numbed her pain with a line of cocaine and loaded exactly one bullet into the clip of a Ruger LC9, cocked it and blew her brains out against the dusty rose walls of her shithole apartment bedroom.

No witness. No case. Months of work down the drain. A dead woman that deserved a new start. And one scum of the earth, murdering drug dealer back on the streets.

Hook. Jab. Crossover. Blow after blow, she struck the bag until her hands burned in agony. When her pulverized knuckles couldn't take anymore but anger gave no sign of relinquishing its control she threw elbows, launching her entire body with every swing. Growls turned into throaty screams each time thinly covered bone drove with all its strength into the now pendulum-esque bag.

"Jane…" Maura stood in the living room watching the scene unfold in front of her. "Jane!" No answer. She made her way to the alcove-turned-boxing arena that once served as a dining area and grabbed the swinging bag. "Jane," she said sternly but softly before gasping and ducking behind the bag just in time for a flying elbow to crash into it.

"Jesus Christ, Maura!" Jane bellowed, pushing the bag aside and stepping around it. "I didn't even hear you come in. Goddamnit, I almost decked you!"

Maura paused, taking a deep breath to push the adrenaline of her near total knockout down. She reached for Jane's hands and began stripping off the sparring tape in silence.

"Stop," Jane protested, trying to pull her hands away, "I'm not done yet."

Maura's grip tightened, her resolve hardening as she continued to tear the tape away, "Yes, you are."

"No! I'm not!" Jane snarled; her lips pursed tightly together, the unabated rage continuing to boil inside her. It started in her gut, curdling with the crimson stained memory of Cirie Carter's thoughts made visible and dripping down that dingy wall. It radiated out from there, an all-consuming anger laced with disappointment and guilt. Maybe the guilt most of all. "I'm fucking pissed, Maura! And I need to get it out."

"And you don't think I'm…pissed!" Maura snapped back, hazel eyes lit ablaze with a rare fury as she pulled frantically at the tape, letting it fall in tattered shreds and chunks to the floor. "Every single one of those women he murdered was on my table. Every single one! The youngest was sixteen…you don't think I'm angry!"

Jane stood in shocked silence as the last piece of tape was discarded haphazardly. She looked down at her red and agitated knuckles, knew that her hands would be swollen and nearly useless tomorrow. "That's why I need to get it out." The words were less a demand, almost a plea.

"There are better ways that won't lead to connective tissue damage and potential fracture of the metacarpal neck," Maura moved into Jane's body, hands sliding through the plentiful sheen of sweat on her stomach, around her sides to her back. She could feel Jane's jaw clench as she nuzzled against it, the muscles of her back tighten under her roaming fingertips.

Maura pulled back, her lips ghosting over Jane's skin but refraining from deeper contact. Her eyes dragged over plump lips, red from exertion and up to brown eyes nearly black with the weight of raw emotions. Jane wasn't in the mood for lovemaking, which was perfectly fine with Maura. After weeks of nothing and the day from hell, she wasn't in the mood to be made love to.

"In five minutes, meet me in the bedroom," Maura let her nails drag across the flesh under her hands, leaving a trail of goosebumps in the wake of the scratches on Jane's cooling skin.

* * *

><p>Her clothes shed and tossed aside in a crumpled heap, Maura stood in front of Jane's dresser mirror and watched the reflection of her hand trail down her expectantly flushed chest to fondle her own breast. She closed her eyes, right hand slipping between her legs to jumpstart her arousal as the left pinched and tugged on her nipple. It would be so easy to keep going, let her fingers rub and circle the growing wetness and slip inside. But, she needed more. Her desire would not be sated so easily, the residual anger from the blown case would not be purged through traditional means.<p>

She pulled the strap-on from the bottom drawer and the seldom-used bottle of lube that would most assuredly be required that night. Maura placed them on the foot of the bed and settled face down on top of the comforter, ass nearly hanging off the edge, legs dangling in the open air momentarily until she bent her knees and crossed her ankles…and waited.

* * *

><p>Jane had an idea what was on the other side of the door: an outlet. A rare physicality – an offering of self to exorcise pent up aggression. Pain, pleasure, release. She didn't want it like this a vast majority of the time. Her hand lingered on the doorknob and one last time she tried to convince herself she didn't need it; but the truth was, she did. And more than that, she wanted it – wanted that formed silicone between her legs, pounding against her clit, abs burning with each full thrust into the maddening friction of Maura's tight ass.<p>

And there she was, Maura, splayed out on the bed. From the tip of her pointed toes, a holdover from years of ballet, her feet arched, ankles disentwining as her legs slowly and seductively lowered. The balls of her feet pressed silently into the floor, toes curling into the wood, muscles flexing from her calves to her hamstrings as she arched her back and lifted her ass in the air.

A moment of silence filled the pause, its only accompaniment two sets of ragged breaths and the sound of finger nails digging into the comforter.

Maura turned her head to the side, her right cheek pressed firmly to the bed, "Fuck me, Jane."

* * *

><p>Her sweaty clothes laying in the pile with Maura's, Jane rolled her neck from side to side, vertebrae crackling as she inhaled the remnants of her earlier attempt at release. She was grimy and dirty; her body felt raw just like her emotions. Strap-on firmly in place, she knelt behind Maura. Her hands climbed the smooth expanse of the back of Maura's legs all the way up until they cupped the round swell of her ass. Jane leaned in, kissing a heated trail up the inside of one thigh.<p>

Sexual deprivation, the absence of touch the last two weeks had been starker than either had realized. The simplest touch of deft fingers and searing lips had Maura more than aroused with relative ease. Jane lapped at Maura's obvious arousal, relishing the moment of abandon as the day's grim thoughts receded. She sucked Maura's clit for a moment to draw out a throaty moan before moving higher. Spreading Maura's cheeks she varied her attentions between teasing licks and shudder-inducing suckling kisses. Jane stood; coating her cock with the lube she teased the entrance of Maura's ass with the head. Her free hand stroked with slight pressure up the writhing back in front of her. Muscles tensed and slid over bone accentuating carefully sculpted dips and curves.

"Ready?" Jane asked, rolling her hips and circling the cock.

"Yes," Maura breathed out shakily, "yes, fuck me."

Jane's arm wrapped around Maura's waist as her first sustained thrust pushed the head of the cock inside. Maura grunted, fingers wadding up the comforter within her grasp. The thrusts were gentle at first. Jane slowly and methodically worked one-third of the cock back and forth inside, letting Maura get accustomed to it, letting herself feel the arousing resistance the tightness provided.

"Harder, do it," Maura encouraged as she panted.

Jane reached her hand down and gripped Maura's inner thigh, as her other hand planted itself firmly on her lover's back, just starting to grow slick with sweat. She drove the cock hard in to the hilt, the initial cry out and subsequent moaning verbalizations pushing her on. Her thrusts ratcheted up in intensity. Maura made sounds when she took it this way that she never made any other time: animalistic and throaty grunts interspersed with seductive hums that tumbled out on ragged breaths.

_Fuck me._ Jane liked to hear those words roll off the usually dainty tongue, especially after a day like the one she'd had. _Fuck me._ She played them over and over in her head, closing her eyes to conjure them as a seamless partner to the sounds of sex presently spilling out of her girlfriend.

"Fuck, ah…" Jane gasped as she came, the nub inside the harness rubbing her easily over the edge.

"Mmm," Maura whimpered as Jane stilled inside her. She knew the quiet wouldn't last long, that the momentary reprieve was just Jane coming down before she started again. Turning her head she could feel the wet cloth of the bed that had muffled some of her moans and trapped errant tears against her cheek.

"Ok?" Jane asked, her hands stroking from Maura's hips up her sides and back down.

"Yes," Maura gripped the sheets again in preparation.

Jane leaned forward, conforming her front to Maura's backside she placed each of her hands over Maura's. Breasts on her bare back, Maura arched to feel them and ground herself against the still inserted cock. Permission to continue. Gripping the clenched fists in her grasp Jane rocked her hips, pounding harder and harder into Maura's ass until her abs and back burned from the exertion. The body under her finally lost its strength to anchor itself. Maura let her feet slip free of the floor and dangle, her whole body rolled and rocked by Jane's gyrations. Hot breath washed over her shoulder and neck, the exhalations and accompanying growls moving closer and closer to her ear. Lips were on her neck, kissing and sucking, the wet popping sound propelling her closer to release. Maura cocked her head to give Jane better access as lips sucked on her sensitive pulse point.

"Yes…Jane," Maura moaned.

Jane's body went stiff, another orgasm sending spasms of needed guilt-conquering pleasure radiating through her body, stopping her breath. She kept thrusting, tightening her grip on Maura's hands and ignoring the plaintive screams of her muscles to stop. "Come. Come Maura. Come."

Maura summoned what little strength she had and pushed herself up on her arms. Jane's hands immediately sought out her breasts, squeezing and massaging them, rolling and flicking the hardened nipples between her fingers.

"Come. Come for me. I want to hear you come," Jane repeated, continuing to thrust and rolling her hips in half circles.

"Mmm," everything else that scratched its way out of Maura's chest and throat for the next minute was incoherent. She closed her eyes and focused on Jane's ministrations to her breasts, the breath still lapping at her neck and the torturous strokes inside her that burned with a pleasure that was just out of reach. "Can't…" she exhaled, body trembling, "…like this."

With her cheek plastered to Maura's balmy back, Jane slowed the thrusts of the cock and reached between Maura's legs. Her fingers danced through soaked curls and circled through silky wetness to rub Maura's erect and straining clit. She stilled entirely as Maura set her own rhythm, arching back into the cock and then towards Jane's strokes. As she reached orgasm Maura bucked forward, clenching around the cock as seismic vibrations shook her body and a series of rapid moans and interrupted staccato breaths seeped out.

Maura winced as Jane pulled free; the abrupt disconnection between their bodies shaking her as she rolled onto her back and closed her eyes, the drumming in her chest echoing through her ears. She could feel Jane's hands settle gently on her knees, thumbs rolling across the ticklish skin on the inside. The subtle sensation ghosted slowly higher accompanied by the soft caress of Jane's cheek and lips.

"Love you," Jane whispered, barely audible as her tongue circled Maura's clit, lips sealing around it and sucking fervently until Maura coiled, threading her hands through Jane's hair as all memory of frustration and pain was vanquished by the pleasurable passes of Jane's tongue over her most sensitive area.

She let her body go limp, a coy smile spreading across her lips as Jane's arms caught her and lifted her in one fluid motion off the bed into a straddling position in her lap. Maura let her forehead rest against Jane's until steady hands cupped her face. Her eyelids fluttered as Jane wiped at the drying tear stains on her cheeks.

"Better?" Maura muttered into Jane's lips as she kissed her, fingers combing through damp and matted hair.

Jane nodded, burying her face into the flushed skin of Maura's neck, "I'm sorry," she offered amidst a barrage of apologetic kisses. She pulled Maura into a tighter embrace, seeking as much contact as possible as if her very ability to go on living necessitated the inextricable closeness, "I'm sorry."

A delicate touch inched its way under her chin, "Look at me." Maura kissed Jane's temple and forehead and then the tip of her nose and finally her lips, a long full kiss that Maura commanded until Jane opened her eyes. "Why are you sorry?"

"I feel like…" Jane pursed her lips, hand trailing up Maura's front, across tensing abs and over the swell of firm, filling breasts until they settled tentatively under her jaw, massaging lightly and caressing the soft skin there. "I feel like, when we do it this way…that I'm using you."

Maura reached for Jane's hands and eyed her bruised and swollen knuckles from the attempts to rid her mind of the grisly events earlier in the day. She brought each hand to her lips and kissed the sore flesh, one kiss for each knuckle until all had been equally treated. One arm slid around Jane's back, bracing them together as her opposite roamed in soothing circles from temple to neck to upper back.

"Listen to me," Maura stated calmly and with resolve, "hear what I say. You cannot use me for something I freely give myself to you for. Do you understand?"

Jane's eyes flashed open as Maura pressed their lips together one more time. She pulled back, watching tears well up in Jane's dark chocolate gaze.

Maura arched her eyebrows and nodded, "Ok? You cannot use me because I give myself to you."


End file.
